H.E.A.L. Story 1 – The Creator

Being the creator of my life instead of the victim creates endless freedom; a universe of possibility, with each brightly shining star representing new thoughts, new feelings, and new beliefs. When a star dies, you can see it shoot across the sky and burn out.

I am like a curious toddler who wants to eat dirt and play with insects just to see what happens when I do. Like a new-born baby everything feels new and some experiences are frightening. When I am too far from my mother, I feel vulnerable and afraid. But like a new born fowl, I know I can always rely on my mother to protect me, she is never too far away. She gives me just enough space to roam and always keeps one eye on me. I must learn quickly how to walk on my own and always keep an eye out for predators. I have to pay attention to all the small details. If a stranger approaches and wants to come close to me for one reason or another, I must first pay attention to how I feel.

Am I excited? Or am I anxious and fearful? Then I tune in to him and focus on his body language. Is he standing too close? Is he aggressive in any way? What does he want from me? What do I want from him? All of these are questions I must answer for myself otherwise he might trick me into thinking he just wants to be my friend. I can’t accept anyone into my heart until I know for certain he or she is trustworthy, respectful, and dependable.

New discoveries are made every day about me, my family, my son, and society. Some days the fog gets so thick I can’t find my way, but when I finally do, it’s never as bad as I thought it would be. My mind has tricked me into thinking everything is a threat.

Being the creator opens up endless possibilities, when living in the victim state was nothing but darkness, pain, and fear. I feel like I am a blank canvas and the painter all at the same time. With my eyes wide open I can see nothing but possibilities for myself. There are so many realizations and epiphanies that I can’t keep track of them all. I must write them all down before I forget their meaning. My mind moves at break-neck speed. Epiphanies launch their daily attacks carving pathways of streams and rivers with rapids steadily crashing through a mind of stone and confusion. This work is difficult because cutting through years of pain and confusion is a painful endeavour.

As the creator I am given permission to experience and accept every single emotion that exists. For the first time in my life, I have the power and the strength to change old thought patterns that are holding me back. I have been given back my intuition, my heart, my mind, my body, and my soul. I am allowed to use my brain to connect with people in a spiritual way. I can slow and steady my mind enough to be receptive to animals, humans, nature, and most of all…myself.

The creator allowed me to walk into the ring with my game face, but to also reveal my lame face!

The creator called the cops:

The creator doesn’t judge herself harshly in any way.

She reaches out for help from trusted individuals when she needs it and realizes Romewas not build in a day. She forgives herself for absolutely everything she’s been through. She realizes it wasn’t her fault and that she didn’t deserve the treatment she got. The creator knows herself so well that she believes she can do anything she puts her mind to, and that anything is possible.  From the core of her being she knows that all these small steps are taking her exactly where she wants to be. She’s not rushing to the finish line. She’s piecing the puzzle together and getting to the core of the problem. The creator is not afraid to take risks.  She is a scientist. Dissections can be very difficult to perform, but carefully disassembling things and seeing all the gory details is the only way to understand and fully appreciate the human mind, body, and soul! So dig, in, I say!

– Kristen

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