In last week’s blog post we took a look at the sometimes hidden benefits of being a giving leader. While on the surface people tend to think somebody that is a taker will be a better leader, more successful, and advance further in their careers, we’ve discovered just how wrong this assumption is. In reality people welcome, and respond well to, givers because they add overall value to the people in the organization. This raises the success of the team as a whole, and everybody is able to advance in their careers – not just the leader themselves. This week we’ll be taking a look at some ways in which we can strengthen the image of giving leaders, and begin to change the perception that giving is linked to not advancing your career.
Strengthening the Giver’s Image
Giving leaders can be very effective overall because of how they enrich those around them. Yet there is still an impressionable bias against them. Some regard them as soft or weak. This can stifle or threaten a giver’s career. But there are ways they can combat this.
Many givers are aware of the impression others have of them. Giving is, after all, an unnatural conduct in the tough corporate environment. The giving leader can fear appearing soft, and this can deter them from giving, by acting more like people expect. This helps no one. Fortunately givers can raise their stock by busting the common myths about givers.
Giving leaders can be firm, yet still be kind. Helping can require expectations or accountability, and still enhance engagement. A giving demeanour can be serious, yet fair – tough yet appreciative. These are not mutually exclusive traits. They work very well together.
Givers can be results-oriented, without being critical, threatening, or inconsiderate, like takers tend to be. Employees want to be held accountable and led well with conviction under defined expectations. The giver is perfectly positioned to do this, and to do it in a way people respect and admire.
Don’t Be a Doormat
Givers, if taken advantage of too often, can become leery, and eventually stop giving to avoid being hurt. This renders the giver ineffective and grants the takers more control.
This “doormat” state is avoidable. Givers can learn to trust with greater discernment, spotting genuine givers from takers in sheeps’ clothing. To do this, they must raise their level of observation.
Get to know people and watch their behaviour. Remember that agreeable people are not necessarily givers. Look for motives and values as true indicators rather than outer appearances. Wait for clues, such as shallowness or true genuineness. Observe how they treat others. Notice if they regard themselves highly or not.
Givers can also adjust their approach to suspected takers. If there is a lack of reciprocity, they can become what Adam Grant, in his book, Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success (2013) calls a “matcher” – someone who will give, but conditionally. Giving is done with the agreement that the other person gives back. Assertiveness is appropriate to require fair and honourable exchanges.
Giving leaders can put up their guard, yet still be polite. Learn to say no, but do it considerately. Reduce your exposure and find another resource to meet someone’s needs, and observe how that transpires. If there is cooperation and reciprocation, then the giving faucet can be opened up again, while continuing to assess the indicators.
Givers are a vital key to organizational success, and are responsible for the success of many others. They understand that winning doesn’t require that someone else lose. There are enough credits and rewards for everyone. Takers draw life out of an organization, and leaders are wise to avoid those behaviours. A coach or trusted colleague can help with this.
Giving doesn’t require major sacrifices or deeds. It just requires caring about others and sharing what you have inside. Try to emulate the spirit of the giver, and see what good things happen. As always, I would love to hear from you. I can be reached here or on LinkedIn.
