In my last blog post we took a closer look at some of the common signs, or presentations of, fear of failure. The first step towards managing your fears is of course correctly identifying and understanding them. If you’re not sure whether it’s failure you’re afraid of, or something else, you should take a moment to read last week’s blog post! Now that we know how to spot fear of failure, it’s time to take a look at some of the typical contributors to experiencing this fear, and how to put your fear into perspective.
The Causes of Fear
Several factors can contribute to developing a fear of failure. A childhood history of pain or suffering can lead you to anticipate the worst and expect negative outcomes. Growing up around fearful people also plays a role, as does a lack of positive adult role models. Children in these environments often struggle to learn optimism and perseverance.
Traumatic experiences at any point in your life, when framed by failure, can train your mind to distrust life in general. Past humiliations and rejections can scar one’s spirit to the point of dismay and fear.
Placing too high a value on a specific goal transforms it into an unrealistic objective. This can distort reality to the point of obsession and magnify the possibility of failure. The dire need to obtain something creates the illusion that life will be awful if the goal isn’t accomplished; the consequent failure becomes traumatic. This all-or-nothing perspective has a potentially crushing outcome, one to be truly feared.
The Culprit Behind a Fear of Failure
Perhaps the common denominator for all these causes of developing a fear of failure is an overarching sense of purposelessness or worthlessness—or, as Pychyl describes it in his 2009 article in Psychology Today, a low sense of self. If we lack the sense of being purposeful and worthy as a person in our society, then any potential failure in the future can pose as a serious threat to our sense of self. Whereas if we go into situations with a strong sense of self – feeling purposeful and worthy – then the possibility of us failing doesn’t seem quite so terrifying.
Our culture often convinces us that losing face is to be avoided at all costs, adds Kelsey in his 2012 CNN article, “Is Fear of Failure Holding You Back?“. Regardless of our background, nothing feels as hopeless as life without meaning. Rejection or humiliation from failure can prompt feelings of worthlessness. At this level of despair, we may choose an attitude of fear in an effort to prevent failure, but it backfires when fear becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Perspective is Everything
Living with a frequent fear of failure is a significant personal struggle. While fear may not be completely eliminated, it can be overcome, Kelsey notes. A major shift in perspective is required—something with which an experienced leadership coach can assist you.
Begin by recognizing that no one is immune to failure. It happens to everyone. Coming to grips with fear, understanding that it’s real and knowing if it’s affecting your leadership (and life) are steps in the right direction. Fear is not always bad. Healthy fears allow us to remain aware of and respect potential hazards.
How to Move Past Your Fear of Failure
But many fears are unhealthy, including the fear of failure. It’s perfectly OK—and, in fact, advisable—to name it for what it is and devise strategies for dealing with it. It’s admirable to watch someone admit a fear and make the decision to address it. It’s painful to watch someone deny or hide behind a fear, allowing it to take over. Such fears are seldom secret. Others see you struggle, so hiding behind a fear doesn’t work.
Another positive shift in perspective is recognizing that people survive failures all the time. Failure is really not the black cloud some believe it to be. It’s rarely the final blow. Life goes on. If you worry about other people judging you, your fears are likely overblown. Everyone has experienced failure at one time or another, so it tends to make us less critical of others.
Failure actually has intrinsic benefits. We learn and grow through failing. Wisdom, work ethic, strength, and self-improvement are seldom attributable to a continued string of successes. There’s no better way to discover your strengths and weaknesses than through failure’s lessons. People admire humility and openness, which engender trust.
While we’re on the subject, what exactly is a “failure”? Is setting out to achieve a worthy goal, applying your best efforts and coming up short the true definition? How does this compare to someone who does nothing or gives less than his best effort? Most of us would agree: Failure is the act of not trying, giving up or not caring. Perspective is everything.
As always I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences if you’ve dealt with and overcome a fear of failure. If this is something you’re currently struggling with, reach out to me, and I would be happy to help you learn to cope with, and move past this fear. You can reach me here or on LinkedIn.
