“Getting people to welcome feedback was the hardest thing I ever had to do as an educator.” – Professor Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture
Everything is connected today. We need to collaborate with others to succeed in our relationships, life, and work. For that, we need to develop the art of giving – and receiving – feedback and critiques.
In its original sense, feedback is the exchange of information about how one part of a system is working, with the understanding that it affects everyone else within the system. If any part veers off course, prompt remediation is critical.
Feedback is every organization’s lifeblood – the mechanism that lets people know whether they’re doing a good job or if their efforts need to be fine-tuned, upgraded, or entirely redirected. In a marriage, feedback determines whether each partner can adapt to the needs of the individual, couple, and family.
Most people, however, are uncomfortable when giving or receiving feedback. I hear this from many of my clients who come in for coaching. It’s one of the most important tasks to master, but we procrastinate and try to avoid it altogether.
Without feedback, people remain in the dark. They have no idea how they stand with the boss, their peers or their spouse regarding what’s expected of them. Problems invariably worsen over time, so we need to use feedback to find solutions that help us adapt and adjust.
In a study of 108 managers and white-collar workers, researchers found that most conflicts were caused by inept criticism (ahead of mistrust, personality struggles, and disputes over power and pay). After harsh criticism, people refuse to collaborate or cooperate, leading to stonewalling and disengagement.
If you unravel their histories, disengaged people usually don’t start off that way. At the core of their problems you’ll often find a hurtful encounter, usually delivered as inept feedback.